Whats in a name?

**Disclaimer - The names used below are hypothetically speaking. Do not get offended if any of the names quoted below are yours**

Well,

Its been some time since i have written a blog, and because I have been requested to write a blog a few times I said 'What the hell; ill write another blog to keep everyone happy...

So... the reason for this blog is to get people to think... think about what you name your children! You may think its cute. You may think its unique... But to the rest of us. Its damn GHETTO. Your child has to live the rest of their lives with this name so choose it wisely. Any name that ends in 'qua' - No. instantly banned. Shaniqua... Boniqua...Taqua..... Ghetto. No.

Some parents try to be creative and try to combine names. If it doesnt sound right, then DO NOT give it to your child. Let me give you an example or two... Lets say Sharon and Ronald have adult relations... 9 months later out pops a baby girl. It is not okay to combine Sharon and Ronald and come up with Sheronda. Once again. Ghetto. I know people make jokes about Bonquisha...Aquafina.... etc. But it is a sad fact that people actually name their children this.

Lets say you name your daughter Shaniqua Aquafina Johnson.

Shaniquia just finished college and applies to a job. The person looking at resumes sees Shaniqua Aquafina Johnson and Rebecca Jane Smith... Who's resume is he gonna read more thoroughly? - Me personally I am going to read Rebecca. I dont want no Shaniqua Aquafina's working for my establishment; so 'Killa-G' (Her boyfriend) can roll up and have an argument with her. Granted that is not every black person but with that name come on thats the first thing that comes to mind. Rebecca on the other hand sounds more respectable and appropriate.

Imagine being on the phone with someone and they say whats your name - Shaniqua Aquafina Johnson - Imagine having to spell your name EVERY TIME you tell it to someone. Must get annoying.

If you give your child a ghetto name you are setting them up for failure. When I hear a ghetto name I instantly think of a ghetto girl in tight clothing with big dookey looking braids in her hair and huge gold earrings with her name in the middle hanging from her hears smacking on strawberry flavored gum on her 1999 Motorola the phone saying "Girlllll" to her pregnant best who is breast feeding her infant, smoking a Marlboro light... rubbing her pregnant belly... - Ok... I went a bit overboard there. But You get the point.

IF I WAS IN CHARGE - Before you child is born you would need to submit your proposed names to a panel who would either approve or deny your name of choice. The names submitted would be a boys name and a girls name. If you fail to get your name approved... Your child will be named John/Jane Doe until your name is approved by the panel. Its logical... Its practical and we will rid the world of ghetto names in a generation or two...

If only I ruled the world... **Scratches Chin**


LOL

Thanks for reading...

Follow me on twitter @davon_a

Give Me My Chicken....

I keep getting requests to write another blog... But I just never have time to... Between Pouring my vodka and sipping it.... there just isn't enough time; and I dont type while sipping I had to learn the hard way last time...

In any event... I have decided to write a quick little blog for you all;

Once upon a time; but not too long ago... A homeless man (A.K.A - A Bum) approached me as i was entering a fast food restaurant. **Let me set the scene** Its me. A bum. and a dark street. - I am intimidated by bums as it is... So as he approached me I got a little nervous that he would touch me... As he was walking towards me I instantly said "Please Mr. Sir. Dont touch me you can have all the cash on me. I beg you not to touch me." He apparently thought this was funny and smiled at me with all 3 of his teeth showing. He asked "Would you please help me. I havent eaten all day I just need a bite to eat"

I was in a good mood so I decided to buy him some food. I collect my food and then order some chicken and rice for him and had them bag it. At this point I feel pretty damn good about myself... Buying a bum some food... So I take it to him - He attempted to reach for it I *Screamed* "Wait! - I put it on the wall and said; ok there you go". Now I think Ive done my good deed for the day... As I start to walk away... He said "Is this chicken?" - Yes I replied - He continued... "I dont like chicken..do you mind getting me something else?"

**PAUSE**

Did this BUM just tell me he doesnt like chicken and he wants something else - after i went out of my way and purchased it for him.

"Im sorry Mr. Sir; I am in a rush and if you dont like chicken give it back and I will give to to someone who is more appreciative."
Then he proceeded to tell me no he will give it to someone else...

"NO GIVE ME MY CHICKEN" I demanded. - I reached for the bag on the wall and he snatched it up really quick. At this point we both have a hand on the bag. Im pulling it towards me he is pulling it towards him. Its like a tug-o-war over a bag of chicken. By this time Im getting angry. Im fighting a bum for damn chicken. I considered calling 911 but then I thought how silly would that sound... "Help quick the bum is stealing my chicken" - So I decided to be a bitch. I pulled it really hard; the bag ripped, and the chicken fell out and hit the floor... I was satisfied. Ha. At least you arnt getting it now - I thought to myself as I walked away.

As I walked up to my car (after using hand sanitizer) I turned back to look at the ungrateful bum and DO YOU KNOW HE PICKED UP THE CHICKEN and started eating it.

I was furious. I was fighting over chicken - let alone with a bum. And then he picked it up and started eating it. I had every mind to go over there and smack the chicken out of his hand and throw it in the sand. As a matter of fact... Thats what I will do...

I walked back over to him and as I approached him he shouted something... And like 3 other bums came out of the wood works. I felt like one of those white girls in a horror film. I was overcome with fear. They were like the Zombies from the thriller video... I thought they were going to kill me. I thought to myself.

Davon... Chicken or Your life...

I hope he enjoyed that chicken....

Hello Mr. Crazy...

I don't know what it is. The crazy people always try to fuck with me when I am sober... If they were smart they would do it while I'm drunk so I would forget in the morning but Noooo...

That being said... Recently I decided to go out for a cocktail with a few of my friends... We were all having a great ol' time shaking out groove thang on the dance floor... - Until Nature Called. "Quick, I need to go tinkle... This vodka is no joke tonight." I said. - We all decided to go to the restrooms together.

After trying pushing my way past all the floozies eye raping me and the one girl who tried to grab my crotch; however grabbed my testicle (Which hurt like hell mind you)-We finally made it to the bathrooms.

I went into the male bathrooms and gave my friend my drink to hold then she would go into the ladies bathroom and I would do the same.

After I finish using the bathroom (And yes I washed my hands) I go out and walk over to the ladies bathroom with my friend. - It was an out door venue so I was standing on the grassy area outside the bathrooms waiting for her to be finished. - Then I spotted a mutual friend and called her over so we were talking saying our hello's etc. When out of the blue comes 'Mr. Crazy'.

PAUSE - LET ME SET THE SCENE...

Me & a girl talking laughing... taking pics together with our phones... - INNOCENT

and then here comes Mr. Crazy who is a security guard screaming to me "I'M CALLING THE COPS...YOUR OVER HERE SMOKING WEED!!!"

OK. Pause. - Firstly I do not smoke. Secondly I don't have a lighter, a blunt nor a cigarette in my hand yet I am smoking weed?! - I can't even smell weed in the area.
In any event I replied.

"Excuse me... Who are you?" - He goes on telling me how I am smoking weed and he is calling the cops on me and I am getting banned from the establishment for three years and a whole bunch of other stuff... (clearly he started sounding like Charlie Browns teacher - Womp Womp Womp Womp) I proceeded to tell him Call the cops... I will wait until they come. I told him matter of fact... I will call them for you... Save your minutes on your prepaid phone...

After about 5 minutes of arguing my friend emerges from the restroom - Yeah 5 minutes! what she was doing I don't know... She walks over to us and is dumbfounded about what is going on. - Shes looking at me like 'what the hell is going on!'

I politely told the security guy "I am done arguing with you. Good night." and walked away.

Clearly I hadn't had enough vodka... Because I am known to throw drinks, fuck people off give face and walk away... But I was polite, cool and calm.

The next day I thought to myself... That man was out of order... I called the establishment. Spoke to the security manager and gave him a little piece of my mind also.

Haven't seen the man doing security there since... Oh well... Not to mention I received a full apology letter and was invited for complimentry cocktails one evening. I have been given VIP entry for the rest of the summer season and no cover charge.

**Giggles**

-NOW WHO WAS SMOKING WEED MR?!-

Follow me on twitter @davon_a

Over & Out...

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

If any of you follow me on twitter you would know how scared and nervous I was about my court date. Read below the details of it... oh and follow me on twitter @davon_a


So I get pulled over for going 89k and the speed limit is 35k –

Below is everything from the traffic stop to court…

So I get pulled over. The female officer approaches my car -

Her: Where is your liscence
Me: Good evening to you too officer
Her: Give me your liscence and registration. (I hand it to her)
Her: Get out of your car walk to the back and spread your feet (I do so)
*I thought I was being arrested. Why did I have to get out?*
Fast forward 5 minutes her asking me my details etc.
(She fills out ticket and hands it to me to sign – I sign the ticket)
Me: I must say you are very rude and unprofessional
Her: How am I unprofessional?
Me: A good way to start the process is to say good evening and ask for my information politely you were rude abrupt and unprofessional.
Her: I am not obligated to tell you good evening. My job is to issue you a speeding ticket. You however are obligated to respect the law in regards to the speed limit…[I cut her off]
Me: I may have been speeding however that does not excuse you from being unprofessional. I am sure your mother taught you manners, so use them!
Her: There is no need to be going that fast you could have killed yourself or anyone else…Look… I am not going to argue with you. If you have a problem with me or the ticket I will see you in court.
Me: There you go being unprofessional again…
Her: I would suggest you get in your car and leave. Do you know I could place you under arrest?
Me: Arrest me for what?
Her: Speeding that fast is an arrest-able offense
Me: I know the law. You can not arrest me for just speeding.
Her: Well I can arrest you for driving without due care
Me: That’s not what you issued the ticket for. I signed the ticket for speeding at 89K – Therefore you can not arrest me for that.
Her: Look if you have a problem with me or the ticket I will see you in court. (She walks away)

FAST FORWARD a month

I am in plea court – I have to answer Guilty or Not Guilty – They call my name and I plea Not Guilty. This means they have to schedule a trial date with a judge, the prosecution and the police officer has to come and testify. You know; all that good stuff. Now I have a trial date. I already have 7 demerits when you reach 12 you are off the road for at least a year. – I get a trial date.

FAST FORWARD another month – Trial Date

Judge: Case number ‘blah blah’ ticket number ‘blah blah’.
Prosecutor: Your Worship – I would like to have this case adjourned until a later date as the two police officers have not shown up.
Judge: Why have they not shown up? Have you tried contacting them?
Prosecutor: Yes Your Worship. They told me they would be here.
Judge: The defendant is here, I’m here but you are not ready. Have a seat.
Judge: Sir, the prosecution has filed an application to have this case adjourned. Is there anything you would like to say?
Me: Yes your worship. I move to have this case dismissed.
Judge: On what grounds?
Me: Your worship; It is quite clear the prosecution doesn’t have a case against me. I don’t know about you but I find it extremely disrespectful that they are here wasting your time my time and the courts time. I had to take off time from work to represent myself and they are not ready to present. Your worship please do not put us all through the agony and waste our time again because the prosecution is ill prepared.
Judge: Have a seat sir.
Prosecution: Your worship the defendant has 7 demerit points already. Clearly he is a danger to himself and other road users. I urge you to adjourn this case until a later date. Someone this negligent should not be let off.
Judge: Sir, would you like to add anything before I make my decision?
Me: Not at this time your worship

FAST FORWARD – 10 minutes.

Judge: In case number ‘blah blah’ ticket number ‘blah blah’ – The crown’s counsel has submitted an application for this case to be adjourned until a later date. I have denied this application. Reason being both officers have not shown up. Should at least one have shown up I would have granted their application for adjournment. Since both have not shown; I am going to grant the defenses application for dismissal. Mr. {Last name} – You are free to go.

Me: Thank you Your Worship!


Not that any of you care but I was excited lol….. So I thought I would share…

Working in hotels

Hospitality is not the easiest profession to work in. I have always said if you can work in hospitality you can work in almost any profession. I train my staff to deal with every type of guest. Rude, annoying, crazy, drunk, high, stupid... Just to name a few. But I always seem to get some stories... I swear I should write a book. So I have decided to blog about some of my memorable experiences working in hospitality...

1. I had a guest who's keys kept getting demagnetized therefore not opening the door to their hotel room. He had they keys next to his magnetic money clip which usually clears the information on the key making it not work. He came to me at the desk and threw all the keys he had collected at me and said "THE DOOR IS BROKEN FIX IT NOW". I looked at him... smiled and said. "Sorry. Let me pick those up". I bent down behind the desk and thought how I was going to be nice yet sarcastically rude in the same way. I picked up the keys looked at him and said - "I don't work for maintenance I will send them to the room as soon as they are available to fix the door" - He replied "No you idiot the lock is not working." - I once again had to think on my feet quickly "I'm sorry sir that is a security problem. I will send them to your room as soon as possible." This pissed him off *giggles* So he said "Well what can YOU do to get me in the room?" - I replied "Nothing - Clearly I was unable to make the keys work for you the last 10 times you came so I cant help you now and walked away." - Needless to say he complained but my boss understood. *giggles*

2. I had a guest who was on the phone screaming... ranting and raving about something - I don't remember now... But I was trying to speak and she kept cutting me off... at the same time I had a guest who was annoyed with the general service of the hotel (you cant please everyone). He was waiting to speak to me but i was on the phone so I was taking a bit longer than expected to get to him. Finally he reached over the desk picked up the stapler and threw it at me. Yes Threw it!! I was in shock. It like brushed pass my ear didn't really feel it but I had to milk it "AHHHH OMG YOU HIT ME YOU HIT ME" lol... making a real scene in the lobby. I pushed the panic alarm so security and everyone came rushing... It was unnecessarily dramatic *giggles*. The police pulled up with all their flashy lights and stuff. It was like a scene out of the movies. If you push the panic alarm it could be a robbery a fight anything so the police respond... Security is notified lol... Security was there within 2 minutes the police were there with 5. It all happened so fast. They almost tackled the man to the grown becuse security doesnt know what happened they just see i pushed the alarm and a man in front of me... So they were out to protect me. I dont think he was expecting all that. He looked so shocked at how fast people were there and how many of them came. He was escorted off the property in handcuffs by police and is never allowed to stay in that hotel again. - And No I didnt press charges... - When it was all said and done the police were asking why I pushed the alarm... (I should have won an Oscar for my performance)- I said "He looked so angry. I thought he was going to attack me" *giggles*

3. I had a middle aged woman check into the hotel... Constantly on her blackberry checking emails... typing stuff... getting calls on another phone etc. Had files and folders in her had... You get the picture - she was busy. She rested one of her bags on the counter. I could here 'BZZZZZZZ' - I said "excuse me miss - one of your phones in the bag is vibrating." She didn't hear me... But the bag was vibrating so much it tipped over. LOW & BEHOLD... out rolls a pink vibrating dildo onto the counter and vibrated to the floor. My face was like O_0 . I was NOT expecting that. She turned red like she was going to cry. She was so embarrassed. She picked it up threw it back into her bag so quick. Clearly everyone in the lobby saw it. I didn't know how to react if i should laugh it off... just stay quiet... pretend to answer the phone -I was just speechless like frozen... So silly me trying to smooth over the situation I say "Don't worry about it - It happens all the time" (Clearly this never happens.) I gave her her key and she bolted out of the lobby. She came down later and whispered to me... "His name is Mike" - I knew exactly what she was talking about. She named her dildo Mike!!! I instantly fell in love with her. She was a cool lady... Every time she came back to stay at the hotel we giggled as soon as we saw each other... because of our little "Inside Joke". I would sometimes ask "Hows Mike?!" And we would both laugh... So this one time I asked "Hows Mike?" - And she replied "We got a divorce... Im now married to John."

Well there it is folks... A few stories from work... I have hundreds of them!!!

LOL... Stay tuned for more....

RT this and follow me on twitter @davon_a

Signed,

Davon

Random -

Hey Folks... Below is a random short story my tweeps and I made up lol...

@davon_a Once Upon A Time
@CSPho3nix there was a little black girl
@LegendaryFire who wanted some chocolate REALLY badly...
@ricquel_ … BUT SHE WAS BROKE!
@CSPho3nix so she stole her homeboy's food stamps and took her ass to Popeyes
@davon_a She was still so hungry that…
@ricquel_...SHE WENT TO TURN SOME TRICKS!
@DarrisT While working the corner she ran into a tall pretty tranny named Ciara doing the matrix
@jus_Jess SHE THEN BUMPED INTO A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK...who said......
@DarrisT “Aye little girl I can give u tha world, working these streets I'll make u a new girl!"

It's a Recession!

Everyone knows that the world is going through a recession. Its no secret. People do not have disposable income like they previously had and jobs are being lost left right and center. So those of you who have a job consider yourselves lucky. Those of you who are looking for jobs - the competition is tough... I say all this because I JUST had someone walk up to my desk and ask for an application - Now please allow me to set the scene.

I work in a luxury hotel catering to the top end market; don't get me wrong. We do not discriminate, if you can afford our prices you are more than welcome to come. - So the lobby marble floors exquisite decor inside, original artwork and Beethoven's 'Für Elise' playing in the lobby - Interrupted by a voice coming down the corridor saying 'Gur um wakin to da lobby nawh' TRANSLATION "Girl, I'm walking to the lobby now". As soon as I heard this I immediately looked up as this is extremely out of place. Then I saw a glimpse of her. OH MY GOSH. - I could have sworn I was being set up. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and say 'You've been PUNKED!' - But no this was for real.

She approached My desk smacking on pink bubble gum, blowing a bubble every few chews... The *POPS* echoed in the lobby each time. She had on Pink heals, black leggins and a pink and black sleeve - less shirt - Clearly not appropriate attire for this establishment; Still on the phone I asked "Can I help you?" She mashed up her face as if i was being rude, and rolled her eyes and said "Hang on." - So I waited approx 30 seconds until she finished her call. "Excuse me - Can I have an application." - I choked. - This ghetto hood rat, bad mannered, gum popping, rude, ignorant sloppy hoe wants a what? - An application? - I obliged and gave it to her; just for kicks and giggles. "Out of curiosity what position are you looking for?" I asked. - "I Dunno... Front of House i guess. I Like to 'Conversate' with people." - Now by now I still waiting for someone to say You've been PUNKED. But nope not yet. - I told her I am one of the people to hire people for front of house. I asked her for her name and told her I will look out for her application. In reality - I asked her so I can put it in the shredder when it comes across the desk.

FOLKS - I say all of this to say...If you are looking for a job; First impressions mean everything. If going to get an application, Be presentable. A suit is not always necessary at this stage but 'Smart Casual' attire is recommended. If called back for an interview a Suit is a must. Of course it depends where you are applying. If you are a construction worker i am almost sure a suite is not needed for an interview. But still... LOOK DECENT. Use good English and good grammar. And for Fuck sake... Speak English. Not this ghetto slang stuff. I would get into the whole interview process... but That could take all day... But in short... Appearance; resume & professionalism is what i look at in potential candidates... Make sure you have them all and they are on point when going for a job.

Please & Thanks,

Signed,

Davon

P.S. - Follow me on twitter @davon_a & re post!